FBI Announces National Manhunt for ‘Gunshot Killer’
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a highly-anticipated press release Monday morning, the Federal Bureau of Investigation announced plans to undertake a nation-wide manhunt for “public enemy number one in the United States.”
After decades of tireless investigation, the FBI has decided to make declassify evidence in order to “alert citizens to the potential threat posed by this serial killer,” said chief investigator Ron Feldman.
The case was first opened in 1973, when authorities in Dade County, Florida found a victim shot to death at a highway truck stop. After a few weeks of investigation, local sheriff Brian Deane felt the case was larger than it seemed. “Turns out this wasn’t an isolated incident,” remarked Sheriff Deane by telephone, “and that evidence was turning up similar murders across the country.”
The breakthrough for the Dade County Police Department came when ballistics experts deduced the serial killer’s calling card: death by gunshot wound. “As soon as we got that, it was like — bam,” explained Detective Sarah Miller. “We had hundreds of cases from L.A. to Boston of death by gunshot. Then the feds took over.”
The search undertaken by the FBI has proven to be the most complex and challenging investigation in the history of American law enforcement. ‘The Gunshot Killer,’ as the press has named him, seems to have killed over 10,000 people in every state over the course of the last fifty years.
“What’s really scary is that this seems to be a multi-generational family of serial killers,” remarked Mr. Feldman. “There’s evidence of shootings as far back as 1776, since the founding of our country. Even stranger is that The Gunshot Killer seems to be in two, sometimes three places at once.” Mr. Feldman referred to several confounding incidents when two victims, separated by hundreds or thousands of miles, are killed within minutes of one another.
Besides the obvious calling card of gunshot murder, investigators have little else to narrow their suspect list. The killer has employed hundreds of different firearms, and there is little correlation between victims. Recent evidence has indicated the killer may even operate internationally, with reports streaming into the FBI from as far away as Madagascar.
“It’s truly bizarre,” admitted Mr. Feldman to the media. “The best advice I can give concerned citizens is to lock your doors and brush twice a day. If you have to go out, take care not to look easily murderable.”